i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
