Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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