he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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