How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
worst night to have a conscience
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
