On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
