I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
