they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
