We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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