THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
