In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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