I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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