Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
