im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
