Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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