At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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