NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
