The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
