honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
