okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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