I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
