The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
