you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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