your room smells of hookers.
And success
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
