I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
