he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
