I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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