My room smells like vodka and shame
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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