the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
