lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
