This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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