hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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