I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
