This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
