I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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