I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
