I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize