please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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