Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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