I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
