I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
