What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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