I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
