If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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