You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize