all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sorry about my life...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
