hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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