I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
