mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
