maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
