How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
