Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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