I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
