i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
