Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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