so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
