I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
