From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
