Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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