His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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