just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
