WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
