I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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