i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My vagina just recognized that song.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize