My brain says no but my pants say off.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
