just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
