So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
