yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
