Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
