i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
