well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
