all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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