Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
