Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
