i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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