there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
