I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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