he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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