I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
