Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
